Words do come easily to me
I won’t deny it.
There used to be days when I was lost for words, but they would always come back. Sometimes a little darker than when they left. Those days, I would let the words come out in slow, painful drip drop drips until I had bled out and excreted all the broken heart pieces.
Felt better sometimes.
But since you… I have words. Yes. Of course. More then ever and never so blinding. I can’t see in front of me for the words occupying and ocularly dazzling my panoramic view. Of you. I have so many, they make love to each other endlessly in my mind and they make me watch, they love it when I watch and they tease me with floods and flames of love and pathways I’ve never seen before. They cry out in love and ecstasy and a pain (that I can’t look at) and they pay me no mind; I don’t exist for them. Then they fight with each other, these ardent words, and seduce me to the wall, begging me to please choose them to be released and then I let them take me as they want and I give them sweet, aching release onto my page. Or is it your page.
Our pages, I think.
If I had the power though, I would create with my fingers and palms, my heart and my mind, a language only we would know, only known by two souls.
A language only for Us
There would be no words articulated with our lips, they would be preciously saved for kisses and tastes and moments of breathlessness that we fear we’ll lose in the haste of placing a kiss before the next nanosecond ticks away.
There would only be movements and thoughts and desires encased in an embrace of something we will need to call True and Love and Us. There would be no sounds made by words which are becoming so so very poor and unworthy of this Connection. No.
A look and a touch and a gentle, hard as fuck caress of two bodies and hearts beating and wanting of the same path and kiss. A dance to a symphony to an epic orchestral movement of two souls made to collide in a space far from the warmth and love of each missing part’s face, reaching out across invisible seas of soundless fate and boundless destiny and through the quantum spaces of Love’s infinity. They silently found each other in a sea of words of broken hearts and sliver darts pointed straight at their light, deflected by a warrior’s shield of verse and perfected etchings of poetry , deep enough to drown in, close enough to be lifted out and placed face to face, with this…One Person. Far too perfect yet so imperfectly distant that the fibres of my heart begin to shred and part of their own accord, and weep at the clear choice of a fatefully paved way made of your voice.
And one more deluge will I allow to pour out for you until I place these words down for a short slumber…
This connection, misbehaving as it always wants to do, and placing its softest touch on the spaces between my heartbeats, as it pulls me closer to you, I fear I will let go one day. I won’t have the control I delude myself that I have. These pathways laid in front of me, until You, there was only one and it was mapped and slow and inevitable and then you, YOU did this to me. You made me look at this parallel road, as you loaded my existence with all these parts of You, and beat my doubt senseless with Truth and Love and now it’s all I can do to stop this pull of you and Us ripping my last remaining, always paining, chains of blaming invading apprehension, pulling down my walls, tearing me in two, but when I reach you…there’ll only be Us.
That’s all I wanted to say.